nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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