Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
