I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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