i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
