Buhtt sex?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize