Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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