woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
