Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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