I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
