id be glad to
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
