hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
