Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
