May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
