need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
