Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
