the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
