just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
