1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
