He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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