It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
