And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
is wine microwaveable?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize