I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
