why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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