ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
