so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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