i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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