That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
