So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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