Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
