Banned from zoo.
Again?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
