i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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