Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
