i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
