Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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