And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
