my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
