I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
