Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We have started to decorate penises.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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