Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
