I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
