We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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