last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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