So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
