if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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