dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
