I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
