why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
