Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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