i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
