She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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