I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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