you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
