i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
