It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
