Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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