Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
