i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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