half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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