your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
