Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
