He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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