Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
