What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My bed smells like the plague
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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