jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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