in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
