Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
