this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
