Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
