I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
