I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
