So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
