JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize